Losing him was blue like I’d never known

Missing him was dark grey all alone

Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you've never met

But loving him was red

I’ll put 

everything on hold just to be with you. Just to 

kiss you any time I want.

I hate the fact that only you know how to tickle me.
I hate the fact that only you know how to render me speechless.
I hate the fact that only you know how to turn me on so quickly.
I hate the fact that I can only be myself around you.
I hate the fact that only you know all my secrets and don’t judge.
I hate the fact that only you love the books I read and can talk with me about them.
I hate the fact that only you can make me feel so wonderful and whole.I hate the fact that only you can make me laugh wholeheartedly.
I hate the fact that you are the love of my life.

Everyone tells me that I should let go and just move on but there’s something inside of me that will not let this go. There’s something inside of me that says it’s not over, there’s still more, that if I keep trying maybe you’ll come back again. 

I wish that I could explain to you how much you mean to me. I was a completely different person before we met. I was quiet, shy, never fully trusting another person. You’ve shown me that it’s ok to be who I am, and that the people who really love me won’t think any less of me for it.

I wish I could tell you how much I love you. But there just aren’t words, are there? The friendship we have is the kind that only comes along once in a lifetime. The kind where we can know what the other thinks and feels without saying a word. You mean everything to me- there really isn’t another way to put it.

I wish you nothing but the best in your new life. It breaks my heart knowing that I won’t see you every day. I genuinely hope that you find all the happiness you deserve.

But I’m scared. I know it’s selfish, but I need you. And I need you to need me. It terrifies me that you could find someone else to pass the time with just talking like we have in your new life. Your friendship means more to me than anything else ever has, and I would be completely lost without it. I would like to think that I’m irreplaceable to you, and that there isn’t another person who could take my place in your life. But I’ve never thought that highly of myself.

Please don’t replace me. Please remember to call me when you can. I’ll always answer, and I’ll always be there for you. No matter what happens.

I love you to the moon and back

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
 because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
 and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
 and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
 took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
 with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
 and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
 because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
 and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
 because of its new paint
And the kids told him
 that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
 with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
 when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
 his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
 when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
 he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
 because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
 and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
 because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
 of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
 making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
 or even talked
And the girl around the corner
 wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
 but he kissed her anyway
 because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
 his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
 he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
 and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
 because this time he didn't think
 he could reach the kitchen.

Friendly reminder to myself:

It's okay to feel things. And be who you are about them.

So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.

It’s strange how you can love someone, even when they’re gone and out of your life. Even more, strange is how one can become numb and suppress those feelings when face to face with that person. 

There is a difference between goodbye and letting go.

 Goodbye is: I’ll see you again when I’m ready to hold your hand and you’re ready to hold mine. Letting go is: I’ll miss your hand, I’ve realized it’s not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again…

YOU CAN'T EXPECT ME TO BE FINE, I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO CARE

Life isn’t fair, and love is just bullshit. I wish I could bury all these feelings far away and stop falling for you more and more everyday

WHEN WE FIRST MET, I HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU WOULD BE SO IMPORTANT TO ME

I do hope that when you come back and finally figure out what it is that you want, it isn't too late.

And I’m still in love with you.

Fuck you for that. Fuck you for making me fall in love with you. And fuck me for being the fool to allow it to happen. I know better than this.

Here’s to taking the bull by the horns and getting over this heart-sickness. I’m no longer a by-stander in my own God damn life.

As much as I try to forget you, to realise you  hurt me and you 

did wrong to me, my heart has 

broken but all I feel is love. 

I love you, asshole

Even if I'm mad at you, I'll eventually forgive you. I'll always come back to you and tell you that it's alright. In the end, all comes down to you

Whenever you're having a bad day, remember this

I LOVE YOU

Loving you was one huge mistake.

But it was a mistake I had to make. Sometimes you have to make those mistakes.

And sometimes, those mistakes are worth it.

You make your own fairytale, BITCH, then do something about it

 What I do know is that I miss you, but that I’m surviving. What I do know is that know when the memories come and pull be back to when you were by my side, I no longer have to bite my tongue to hold back tears. What I do know is that it’s all of these little things in my life–a red light, a place we used to sit, a thought I wish I could share– all of these little things are how I hold onto you. I don’t know if holding onto the memory of you is a good thing, but I do know that I’m going to do it. What I do know is that I love you more than any other man I’ve ever met, and that I wish you the best.

Sometimes you have to be your own hero, and save your own little heart. Because sometimes, the people you can't imagine living without, 

can actually live without you

That shitty feeling when you realise that, no matter what,                you´ll love him till the end of the fucking world

(thank God it's 2012 already)

And suddenly, all the love songs were about YOU

You can never make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it is no longer a mistake,

it is a CHOICE. 

You never forget your first true love. Either the scars they left behind stay there forever, or your heart never beats the same way again. 

I’ll just be your best friend if that’s what you want, but I’d like for you to love me

You’re perfect. Maybe not to anyone else, but to me, you are.

Why does this life have to be so complicated? Is it because without complication life would be boring? I think so. Why all these problems seem to never have an end and when they do immediately after a new one pops up? In this last year I learned that the more you think in your head and imagine stuff that “may happen” the more they don’t. People say it's karma. I dont believe that stuff. I believe a lot in DESTINY. I believe that every person has a story written for her with all the good and bad stuff to happen to her through the years which will make her the person she deserves to be. Every body has moments of doubt in their love life. Everybody sometimes feels down, not falling in love or has a secret crush who does not feel the same way back. Everybody feels these things. However, I believe that once you're determined and you know what you want in your life, someday or another it will happen. Maybe not in the form you wanted in the first place, but I still believe that it will happen.

Dear boy in my Stats class,

You’ve said hi to me, and we’ve had two short conversations. You probably don’t really know me or even think twice about me. But there’s something about you that I can’t stop thinking about and it makes me want Stats class to be every day. Please tell me you’re single, not gay, and perhaps may want to ask me on a date.

Sincerely,

The nerdy girl who sits behind you

Believe me, you were a hard one to let go. I built my world around you and when you weren’t there I lost myself for a little while, but there came a moment where I knew our story had it’s ending. I know it sounds odd but I think our story was meant to have a twist to the ending, not a happily ever after. More like a mystery and the story that was never completely unfolded. I promise that no one will ever take your place in my heart. 








That is permanently yours forever just like I have told you before, years ago.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means? You are alive. Everything will be okay.

Sometimes, when you give up on someone, it’s not because you don’t care anymore, but because you finally realize

they don’t.

Dear me in the past,
I want to let you know something.
It got better.
If I told you how good it is, you wouldn’t believe me. You didn’t think you were going to make it until your next birthday.
But, please, I wish you could know how good you have it now. How you feel confident in your body, how others tell you you’re beautiful now, how you’re the stylish one, how you’re smart, how you’re working in a lab, how you found your passion and are studying it on scholarship in a new city you love.
How you got over the shit and depression and you take care of yourself, you got your black belt, you eat healthily and exercise at least six days a week, how you get money for drawing and sewing, how people look up to you, how you can kiss and not worry, how you have hookups, how you can make friends now fairly easily, how you can control your thoughts and how you have friends you can talk to. How now when you say about the good things that happen your friends are happy but it’s no longer a surprise, how when you tally up the good it seems like you live some sort of movie, charmed life.
In the future, you will be loved and happy. It won’t be without the bumps, babe, but trust me.
It’s worth the wait.

Breathe in, breathe out, move on

Stupidity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Just give yourself a little time honey. Things get better. For you they’ll be fine

Whatever, at least I tried 

With freedom, books, flowers, and the moon,

 who could not be happy?

Every storm runs out of rain just like every dark night turns to day; It’s always darkest before the dawn

All you’ve got to do is decide to go and the hardest part is over.

I just want you to know that you deserve the best

NO PAIN IS FOREVER

I live for the nights that I can't remember, with people I won't forget

You can't go through life protecting yourself from everything, you have to take chances, because if you don't, you may as well not be living.

There's always gonna be another mountain, I'll always gonna wanna make it move, there's always gonna be a few battles, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. IT'S THE CLIMB

It's you. It's always been you

Anyway it’s your choice to live the life you want. What’s more important is thatyou’re aiming for your own happy ending.

Dear _____,

You don’t have a Blog, so you’ll never read this. And even if you did you’ll never guess it’s you. I just want to tell someone.

The truth is, you drive me crazy. You are able to make me want you with the slightest things. When you’re around all I can do is look at you. I love your hair, your eyes, your smile. I love how good you are at guitar. When you speak to me I melt. Those lessons when you sit beside me I’m holding my breath. 
I know it’s mental to even begin to believe that you feel the same way about me. You’re so out of my league. You’ve dated some of the most popular, beautiful people in our school and I know that you probably friendzoned me the moment you saw me. But I just had to get this off my chest. I just had to type these words out so they’re not eating away at my brain anymore and send them off to get lost in the internet. I just want you so bad.

I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no less, dont second guess. Some days I'm funny, others I'm not. 

You may not like me, but that's okay.

I don't think you will

ever fully understand

how you've touched my life
and made me who I am.